In August 2021, I found out I was pregnant after a few months of trying. I was elated. Our family plans were falling into place perfectly. Two weeks later, I started to bleed. I called the doctor understanding I was having a miscarriage. I grieved appropriately, and with hope, soaking in friends who experienced miscarriages stories, “the next time we got pregnant, we had no issues!”
A few months later, having drenched my sadness and stress about the loss in high dosages of hope, I was pregnant again. Remembering my friends’ stories and relying on the internet’s reassurance that this pregnancy will stick, I was all in. Until a week or so later, I was bleeding, again.
This time, a gray and anxiety-filled cloud began to follow me. I was irritable unable to manage my reactions easily. I wanted to isolate from loved ones trying to help. Not only was I late to work most days, but also I wasn’t engaging in my work as deeply. Our house was dirtier and my son ate a lot of chicken nuggets as every task felt extremely tedious. Despite getting a good nights sleep, I felt tired all the time. My thoughts transformed from hopeful to fearful. Thankfully, as a therapist, I knew these symptoms were beyond my typical grief and stress reactions. It was time to seek help from a professional.
Experiencing sadness, low mood, increased worry, the desire to keep to yourself is normal and even to be expected following a miscarriage. However, if you notice (or others notice) a more profound change in mood and functioning such as: excessive worry, increased fear, crying spells, hopelessness, helplessness, guilt, shame or self-blame, inability to perform routine duties, decreased desire to engage in hobbies, changes in eating or sleeping, or thoughts of suicide, this may be an indication of a more complex mental health issue. There are therapists who specialize in perinatal care and multiple support groups online and in person to help you. You are not alone.
